The Phone Prank - Stop Telemarketers

A telemarketer's call to me goes wildly off script  (Author Steve Johnson)


    Yes, can I speak with Steve Johnson?

Whoís calling?

    This is Mike _____. Youíve been selected to
Receive a free digital satellite system.  With this-

    (you cut them off) Let me ask you something.  Were
You a friend of Steve

    No, Iím just calling to offer Ė

    (you cut them off) Hold that thought.  [Speaking to
Someone else.] Get pictures of the body, and dust for
Prints. [Back to caller], Mike, you still there?   Let
Me bring you up to speed.  Youíve called a murder
Scene.   Mr. Steve
Johnson is no longer with us.  Iím
Officer Clark.  Iím conducting a homicide
Investigation.   What was the nature of your
Business with Mr. Steve

    I..I had no business with him.  Iím sorry to have
bothered you---

    (you cut them off) I want to ask you to stay on
the phone.  This call has already been traced,
and we may need you to come in for questioning.

    How about you just talk with my supervisor.

    Weíll get to your supervisor.  First, give me
your whereabouts.

    Forty West Lexington, Roseville, Minnesota

    [Speaking to someone else.] Get the Roseville
Police Department on the phone.  Tell them heís
Being sought in a connection with a fatal

    Youíre calling the Roseville Police?   Iím
Hundreds of miles away!   I donít even know the

    Itís just a formality.  Now, where were you
last night between the hours of eight and ten?

    Iím not feeling comfortable about any of this?

    If your a man: 
If a female telemarketer calls, start talking dirty.  What color and kind of panties are you wearing?  Say your getting hard just hearing her voice and other personal sex related questions and comments.
If a male telemarketer calls, start talking dirty.  Are you hard? You are and your touching yourself just hearing his voice and other personal sex related questions and comments.

It isn't illegal because they called you.   (don't call them back, don't threaten).

    If the telemarketer is calling about siding, roofing, driveway resurfacing or any home repair, listen to them, sound excited and very interested, ask lots and lots of questions that you would normally if hiring a repairman.

    But then at the end, say to them:   Does it matter if I am only a renter of a 1 bedroom apartment?  This will piss them off because they thought they had a sale and all the time spent with you.