Abbot and Costello's Who's On First
- Updated for the 21st Century -

Costello wants to Buy a Computer

Costello Calls to buy a computer from Abbott

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks, I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.



COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.


ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.



COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.


ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?


ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?


ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.


ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.  What do you have?


ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?


ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?


ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?



COSTELLO: For my office?



COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?


ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!


ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?



COSTELLO: What word?


ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.


ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?


ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?


ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!


ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4.Can I watch them?


ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?


ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?


ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?


ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?


ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?


ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!


ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.



ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?


ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?


ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?


ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?


ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?


ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?


ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?


ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?


ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?


ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! (A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?


COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".......